LisMarrella (littlemisslis) wrote in miss_mia,
LisMarrella
littlemisslis
miss_mia

new here...

...let me just start off by saying, i have no idea what i'm doing.
My name is Elisabeth.
Im a sixteen year old girl, from Toronto Canada.

I was diagnosed with bulimia a month ago - yesterday.

I've secretly battled with it since I was twelve, but more than ever in the last 9 months.

My stats are 5'1 and I'm 120 pounds. A shame really. I had myself down to 109 3 weeks ago. But I went on a cruise and it's been all downhill from there.
Life has been really fucked up. I'm not a naive bulimic, nor do I consider myself like a lot of the girls who wind up here.
Tell me if you feel this way>>
I know what I'm doing to myself. But I like it.

I think more than anything I'm just looking for someone who can relate. This is the only place I seem to find comfort. In the people who understand it all best. I need to find someone. Especially now. 
             I hate being so f*cking fat.
I have so much more to say...but it's late. and the keys are waking people up. Feel free to check out my private journal..read from BEGINNING to END. it makes more sense that way.

>Lis.

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  • 4 comments
i know what you mean about you know what you're doing but you like it. i'm the SAME WAY ...add me?

Anonymous

January 24 2005, 17:25:43 UTC 14 years ago

omgosh 120..thats so not freakin fat!!!
120 sounds like a beautiful, solid number for your height. I'm 135 at 5'8" and I can trace my ribs. :) I do feel fat most of the time, but I have fleeting moments of self love. I don't love my eating disorder, I don't even like it, but I accept it.

Anonymous

June 30 2006, 22:06:03 UTC 13 years ago

I know exactly what you mean about knowing what you are doing.
I have one "friend" (total bitch who informed both my parents and school counselors of my eating habits -- like she even fucking knows -- but luckily I was able to lie my way out of her mess) who just refused to understand why I do what I do. So I basically told her that.
I know I am treating my body badly, that if I want to be healthy I would eat, that it is a sickness, blah blah blah.

But it makes me happy. Period.

I am happier when I am ana or mia than not, even if I'm not gaining weight. Though I always do gain weight when people start catching on and I have to cover up. I am waiting for a few days to open up when I can go on a liquid diet completely and not even have to be bulimic, because it hurts my throat so badly, and my teeth are getting so fucked up.

Oh, on a kind of funny note, I was on a date the other day and the guys I was with was with was talking about how he lost most of the enamel on his teeth from drinking too much apple juice when he was a little kid, and I almost said, "Yeah I've lost a lot of enamel from being bulimic." Thank god I stopped myself, because that is NOT a good date conversation.