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Saturday, July 24th, 2004

Time Event
New...purging help?
Blah. I'm new. 15 years, my weight has been a struggle my whole life. I've always been chunky, but in 8th grade I got totally sick of myself and started eating around 500 cal a day. Kept it up for an entire 6 months straight, not sure how, but lost 50 pounds. Then it was summer and I promptly gained 40 of it back. I've been fluctuating since then, I hate myself, I feel like a gigantic cow, I AM a gigantic cow. I'm 5'4 and 170, which is just disgusting. I hate myself. I'm fatter than ever right now and I'm just sick of it. I overeat way to much, I have no control and I hate it. I started purging recently, but it's difficult for me. i love how it feels, how it makes your eyes water and the way it forces the tears to stream down your cheeks, but I'm having problems getting much it. It takes me a long time, and for every like...3 times I gag, only a little bit comes up. I don't feel like I'm doing much. I've tried everything...different amounts of fingers, a toothbrush...I don't know. What I want to know is if anyone else has this problem, how long it usually takes for the purgers here to feel like they've got "everything" out, and if anyone has any tips for me...
(x-posted a few places)

Current Mood: fat

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